Financial lifestyle roadmap

Posted: 06.04.09

Over half of the marriages that take place today end in divorce. The major cause of divorce is communication problems and the No. 1 cause of communication problems is money. Many engaged couples spend more time talking about the wedding than about how they will handle money as a married couple. Yet our experience has shown that if couples take time to discus and agree on a plan for how to handle their money, many future problems can be avoided.

Differences in how you handle money can be a source of growth or frustration. After all, if you both agree on everything, one of you is unnecessary. You can acknowledge, celebrate and use the differences to your advantage, building a strong marriage in the process. Or you can focus on the differences and never learn to be a real partner to your spouse.

Just as you would never start a trip without knowing where you are going, what roads you will follow and how you will stay on the right road, you need a plan for your financial journey. Your lifestyle roadmap should include the road you will follow, the landmarks and guidelines and the end destination. It is essential that a couple is of one mind when it comes to finances. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body” (Gen 2:24).

Your roadmap discussion should include all areas where money is involved. Since making, managing and spending money involves a huge part of our daily lives, the discussion includes almost every area of your lifestyle.

First define your goals. Do you want to send the children to college, retire early, start your own business or go into ministry? Having common goals unites a couple like nothing else can. Working together toward your goals makes your marriage stronger and has a positive influence on the people around you.

Decide on how you will handle daily spending. Is there a certain amount you will not spend unless you discuss it with your partner? Do you have a joint account or separate accounts? Why do you have separate accounts? If you have separate accounts, who pays for what?

Choose how you will use credit. Is borrowing only for major purchases such as a mortgage or do you use credit cards for day-to-day items? Will you completely pay off credit cards each month? Is there a limit (besides the artificial one imposed by the lending institution) to how much of your credit line you will use? Do you want to pay off the mortgage early?

What about your plan for savings? Is a certain amount of your income dedicated to savings? Do you each have a 401(k)? What percentage will you save? Do you have an emergency fund? How much is it? When is it OK to use the money in your emergency fund?

How are you going to teach children about money? Do they get an allowance? Are they expected to complete chores in order to earn their allowance? Will you pay for college or expect them to contribute if they choose to attend higher learning?

How do you handle extended family and money? Is it OK to co-sign for a relative? Do you loan money to relatives? Are you planning to take care of aging parents?

What is your attitude toward giving? Do you acknowledge that God is in control of all things and that all you have is a blessing from him? Do you tithe from your first fruits or give God what is left over after you get what you want?

Whether you are engaged to be married or a long-married couple who has celebrated milestone anniversaries, having an agreed-upon financial roadmap will eliminate petty ongoing arguments about money. Like all journeys, yours may be subject to change and you may run into closed roads, unexpected detours and weather delays, but having the end goal defined is the only way to get there. “Set up road markers, put up guideposts; turn your attention to the highway, the road by which you went” (Jer 31:21).

The Beans lead the Catholic Initiative for Crown Financial Ministries, a nonprofit, nondenominational organization dedicated to teaching biblical principals of money management. They have been involved in the ministry for the past 20 years and can be reached at jon@crowncatholic.org.

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