Florida Catholic | Recognize The Mother, Recognize The Son

Recognize the mother, recognize the son

One in an occasional series of columns about Project Rachel post-abortion ministry in Florida.

KAREN REILLY | SPECIAL TO THE FLORIDA CATHOLIC

Published: 07.01.08

She hugged me close and offered a sincere and heartfelt, “Happy Mother’s Day.” Only moments earlier I was thinking about my son and the millions of other children lost through abortion. I was thinking about their mothers and fathers and whether anyone considers them on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. At her simple words, the tears flowed not only from my eyes, but from my heart. These were tears of gratitude for the implied acknowledgement of my child. By recognizing his mother, she recognized the son. Reflecting on that encounter, I was reminded that in recognizing Our Lord’s mother, we recognize him.

Does our definition and recognition of mother and father extend to those who have experienced abortion? This is a difficult concept. Some may cringe at this thought, preferring to believe the men and women who experienced abortion don’t deserve this distinction. For some post-abortive women and men, the realization that they are actually parents, mothers and fathers of the aborted child, may shatter their protective illusions. For others, this awareness may help them identify that their response to their abortion is grief. They are parents grieving the loss of their child. We extend compassion to parents of stillborn children, to parents who have experienced miscarriage. Do we recognize and extend similar compassion to parents of children lost through abortion?

I don’t know if his father remembers our son when he considers all his children. I pray he does. Our baby lived only a short time, but he lived. We did not see his face, touch him, hold him, but he existed. We don’t know who he was meant to become, but he was created. He was “fearfully and wonderfully made.” He has a soul and lives eternally.

I didn’t always think of myself as a mother. I couldn’t, not after what I’d done. I always thought of the baby as my child. It was far more difficult to look at that reality in reverse. But it’s true. We cannot separate the mother or father from the child. Ignoring or denying the mother and father of an aborted child rejects the child’s life – again.

Perhaps we can begin with one small yet significant adjustment in our vocabulary. Pregnant women are not “mothers-to-be.” They are mothers. The men are not “fathers-to-be.” They are fathers. Their child is simply not born yet, not nonexistent.

We in the church are absolutely concerned with recognizing and saving the life of the preborn child. We are also concerned with restoring the life and families of the women and men, the mothers and fathers, suffering from their abortion decisions.

The author of the 2003 book “Rachel, Weep No More” states: “One of the common concerns in our churches in regard to speaking about abortion is that we ‘don’t want to hurt those who have had abortions.’ They feel that the presence of such women and men is a reason to be silent about it. But just the opposite is true. Experts in post-abortion tell us that the first step toward healing is to break out of denial, and silence does not help to do that. The women and men suffering from abortion may think we are silent because we do not know their pain, do not care or have no hope to offer. In truth, however, we speak because we do know, do care and do offer hope.”

If you are the mother or father of an aborted child or children, seek the confidential healing offered through the church. We DO know; we DO care, we DO offer hope.

Reilly is director of Rachel’s Vineyard for the Diocese of Orlando. For more information about Rachel’s Vineyard, visit www.rachelsvineyard.org or call 1-877-HOPE4ME or 407-246-4820.

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