Parish seeks to stop domestic violence before it starts

Through education, St. Margaret Mary Parish in Winter Park is making efforts to prevent domestic violence before it begins.

LAURA DODSON | FLORIDA CATHOLIC CORRESPONDENT

Posted: 10.22.09

WINTER PARK | Since 1995, National Domestic Violence Awareness Month has been recognized in October. It is an acknowledgement of both the pervasiveness of the problem and the secrecy inherent in its perpetration and perpetuation.

Prevalence of elder abuse startling

Brooke Astor’s grandson speaks out on elder abuse

Singer’s assault of girlfriend illuminates dating violence

Parish’s St. Rita Ministry assists abuse shelter

The White House proclamation declaring October domestic violence month stated: “Domestic violence touches the lives of Americans of all ages, leaving a devastating impact on women, men and children of every background and circumstance. A family’s home becomes a place of fear, hopelessness and desperation when a woman is battered by her partner, a child witnesses abuse of a loved one, or a senior is victimized by family members.”

Through education, St. Margaret Mary Parish in Winter Park is making efforts to prevent domestic violence before it starts.

“We prepare couples for a sacramental marriage,” said Lori Reinneck, director of family life and a licensed mental health counselor. “We believe that it is important to build those marriage skills and what it means to live their faith. It’s a process, not a one-time class.”

The parish requires engaged couples to participate in Unitas – an eight-week marriage preparation program.

“Attitudes and habits that are necessary for a healthy, holy marriage are sprinkled throughout the Unitas sessions,” Reinneck continued.

Reinneck further explained that the family-of-origin section addresses how the individual learned to handle anger and determines the habits and attitudes each person is bringing with them to handle conflict and forgiveness.

Signs of Disrespectful Behavior

The following list of 10 disrespectful behaviors is used by Lori Reinneck, director of family life, in the marriage preparation program, Unitas, at St. Margaret Mary Parish in Winter Park. All engaged couples receive this list. These behaviors might be warning signs or are just bad behavior and ought to be changed:

Silence, blaming, yelling, pouting, sarcasm, avoidance, appeasement, crying, threatening, and physical violence.

“We all have bad habits,” Reinneck said. “Sacramental marriage is continually finding Christ in one another – being a vehicle for God’s love.”

“The communication segment emphasizes the Church teaching that every person has a right to be treated respectfully, and requires that we not abuse each other with words or the meaning behind the words,” Reinneck added. “We also help people look at the spectrum of disrespectful behavior.”

The National Domestic Violence Awareness Project defines domestic violence “as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over another. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes behaviors that frighten, intimidate, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.”

“You just have to look at the number of stories in the news just in the past six months to see how prevalent the problem is,” said Father Richard Walsh, pastor. “Reminding people early on of the necessity of honoring and respecting your partner will get the message across.”

Far too many are already living in abusive relationships.

“The spouses live with it,” Father Walsh continued. “It’s difficult to convince women to do something about it. It’s a comfortable zone – a horrible one – but it’s what they know and it’s tough to move to what they don’t know. It’s covered up. They live with it quietly and believe it’s their lot in life. As a child of God, we have a dignity and it needs to be respected.”

In addition to spouses, children, seniors, even pets – the most vulnerable – are subjected to domestic violence.

Reinneck offered the following suggestions to those living in abusive relationships, “Never keep it to yourself. You must break the façade of everything is fine or that this will go away. You must break the isolation and silence of you don’t want anybody to know. There is a place for you at the table and you can find someone here in the Church to help. We are the body of Christ and when you’re not here we miss you.”

To learn more about the Diocese of Orlando’s commitment to child and youth protection, or learn how to reach the victim assistance coordinator, visit their Web site.

Return to Diocese of Orlando Front Page